Monday, November 23, 2009
hw 24 story
Charlie looked around at his new class, the class of 2010. charlie being new to this school had to start off fresh, new friends, new home, new environment. "hey charlie what's up?" "umm hi, what's your name? "the name's Jonathan, but the people call me mr fresco, which means mr fresh." Oh thats a cool nickname to have. so how long u been here?" "Aww man ever since freshman year, you shoulda seen me then. all scrawny and bummy looking. things sure do change. here look at this picture from 9th grade. MADD bummy right?!" "yea yo that's funny." Yo charlie, you should think about joining the basketball team, you get your own hoodies with your nickname, and you get madd respect." Three weeks later charlie went to the tryouts not knowing what to expect. Once he walked in, there was a dead silence in the room. Kids looked like escaped convicts, but that didn't change Charlie's mind. "Yo charlie we playin' a game man, sit out and wait for next game." "oh alright jonathan." Practice finished in an hour. charlie played for 6 minutes but was so nervous that he didn't score a point. he fumbled the ball and got it stolen 4 times. He knew that he did bad and the chances of him making it were very slim to none. he felt like a loser after he walked out the gym. while everyone gave each-other props for their work, charlie just listened and wondered what he was doing there? (loudspeaker) Attention, people who tried out for the basketball team should check the bulletin board for their name." charlie goes to see. his name is all the way on the bottom of the list for people who made it. he begins to think that maybe the coach sees potential in him. the first game was so insane for charlie. he felt nervous and just wished he could be home. all of the kids were fast and loud. "coach, when can you put me in?" "Not now man you're not ready." "what you mean? i went to the tryouts, see if i do better this time, I been practicing." "The game is too close man, just sit down and watch." this was a constant thing that charlie noticed. he hadn't played one minute in any game. After every game, everyone went out with their girlfriends and looked so happy. "Hey coach, i just wanted to tell you that I'm not gonna be on the team anymore." "Why not man we need you." Nahh you need me to fill a spot, you can't go to a game with only a starting five and you know that. But its whatever man. Now you'll be down a replacement. You better make sure your team don't get hurt." "Aight whatever man you wanna quit then go ahead." BOOM. the door shuts loudly behind charlie as he realized that he didn't want to be used by anyone. he wasn't even happy to be playing, or sitting. he realized that people tend to take advantage when you make them happy. So he decided not to fold under pressure or do anything that he was uncomfortable doing. For charlie, Being an individual with a voice, was cool.
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I thought it was really creative how you used Jonathan the cool person but then turn the story around so that Charlie was the main character and the definition of "cool". Your last sentence "For Charlie. being an individual with a voice, was cool." really tied the whole story up and made an impact on me, and changed my opinion about being what it really means to be "cool"
ReplyDeleteMatt
ReplyDeleteI thought your short story was cool. I like how you talked about the defintion of being cool is being an indivdiual. Charlie kind of reminds me of myself because i don't follow anyone i tend to do my own thing. Overall i agree with steph it was creative and hopefully read more of your stories. =)
Matt,
ReplyDeleteI think you did a good job on your story. I liked how you described everything you started from the beginning and ended at the end. That made the story easy to follow. You also added conversation, which made the story more interesting, and the climax of the story was told though conversation.
I think you did a great job on your story. You basically had your own definition of cool through charlie. Charlie wasn't the one who follows. He was the one that leads and that just like me. Also I was able to picture the story, which is important. Good job!
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